Musings of the Formerly Fluffy
The mask came over my face. A tear fell from my eye. I remember thinking, “I can’t believe I want to lose weight so badly that I’m willing to die for it. I could die during this surgery.” The nurse, very kindly and tenderly, wiped my tear away and said, “Don’t worry honey. You’re in good hands. Everything is going to be okay.”
My entire life, I’ve struggled with my weight. Prior to my gastric sleeve surgery in June 2014, I had lost (and gained back) 100-plus pounds at least three times before. It was a battle I was losing miserably. I was a size 28/30. I painfully carried 326 pounds on my 5’1″ frame.
Whenever I walked into a room, I would scan for three things: 1) Other people of color (POC); 2) Other women; 3) Check to see if I was the largest person in the room…again. I would hope and pray that the chairs at any venue did not have arms. I would psych myself up hoping my “winning personality” would help people forget how I looked.
Since 2014 I’ve lost approximately 135 pounds and wear a size 10. Anyone who says weight loss surgery is cheating is a lying to themselves and others. It is a journey just like all my other attempts. The difference, I am able to keep the weight off. Through therapy, love, and family support, I win this battle every day.
My husband, who has loved me through thick and thin, put it best. I asked him what it is like to see me lose weight. He said, “I feel like you are falling in love with the woman I have always been in love with.”
I hope my musings of the formerly fluffy connects with you in some meaningful way.