MiChicana’s Mother…

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Martha Rodriguez was born in the small border town of Reynosa, Mexico.  She was one of eleven children who was forced to grow up at a  very young age.  She dropped out of school in the second grade to help her family make money by washing clothes and selling palomitas (popcorn) in the local market.  She was always very entrepreneurial which makes her story that much more remarkable.  There is so much I could write about my mother but the story of how she finally made her dreams come true is the best.

I jokingly tell people that tacos helped pay for my college education. My mother used to make tacos for my Papi to take to work.  At first it was 10-20 tacos but demand quickly increased that number to 100 tacos.  It was our ritual when I was in high school.  I would sit at the dining room table with my homework while my mother would make tacos. I can still smell the frijoles (beans) and ground beef mixture caressing my senses.  To this day, the smell of cumino immediately relaxes me.

She would wrap two tacos in aluminum foil and then, at the end, she would count them.  I can still hear the sound of her nails clicking against the foil as she counted the tacos under her breath.  Two…four…six…twenty…forty…click…click…click. At the end of her count she would always ask the same question.  “Mi’ja, if I opened up a restaurant, do you think people would like my food?” “Yes mom,” I’d respond, “People would LOVE your food.”

This was in early 90s. She would make tacos. My Papi would sell them to his co-workers.  Every evening it was the same routine.  I would often ask if I could help.  “No…no..no,” she would say. “You’re job is to do well in school. That’s your only job.” Needless to say, I took my job seriously which is why I’m not that great a cook despite my culinary heritage.

Years passed. My mother continued to work in the laundry department of the local V.A. Hospital and my father worked at a local factory.  I went off to college and, through scholarships and jobs, paid for approximately 3/4 of my college costs. The remaining balance was paid from those tacos my mother labored over every night.

In 1999, my mother and father traveled through the rinky dink town of Augusta, Michigan. It is a nothing little town you would miss if you sneezed.  She noticed a tiny little hole-in the-wall sub shop on the main drag.  My mother encouraged my father to stop in and look around.  It was right around dinner time and there were no patrons in the building.  I don’t even think ghosts hung out there.

Fortunately for my parents the owner was in the building.  My mother made inquiries. How much is rent? What are utilities, etc…? The owner cautiously said, “I don’t think people around here would like…Mexican…food that much.” My mother heard, “People don’t like Mexicans around here.” She was ready to raise holy hell. My father, the level-headed, light-hearted fellow that he is said, “Well…they are gonna love us!” He proceeded to tell the owner about our family and his successful daughters. By the end of the conversation, the owner and my father were best buds and my mother was calculating what she would need to transform the place from a sub shop to an authentic Mexican restaurant.

She purchased equipment wherever she could find it: auctions, restaurant closings, liquidation sales, etc…My sisters and I made up the initial staff. We were like the three stooges in those early days trying to learn to be waitresses, cooks, and bookkeepers.  It was all in the service of my mother’s dream. She had spent her entire life taking care of others. Now it was her time.  She still worked in the V.A. laundry during the day and the restaurant at night.  I remember I’d work in a law firm during the day and change out of my suit to wash dishes at night. It was all worth it because my mother had sacrificed so much for us…this was the least we could do for her.

She named the restaurant Nina’s Taqueria after my youngest sister. I am always asked if that makes me jealous. Frankly, it would have become “that Mexican restaurant” if she had named it after me or Marthalicia. Nina’s was the perfect name. Short. Simple. Sweet.

The restaurant opened in April 1999.  Word soon spread about Nina’s and the business grew bigger than any of us had imagined.  Today, my mother owns two restaurants, one market, and a car wash.  She is phenomenal in every way and one of the smartest people I know. Her commitment to excellence, to her customers, to her employees is bar none.  She is one of the most focused, ambitious, and innovative people I have ever known. I am so incredibly proud of her accomplishments.

My singular favorite moment with my mother was an evening after we had just finished cleaning the new building. She was preparing it to open and wanted everything to be perfect. We had just finished sweeping and mopping.  We were tired. We sat in the 70s style, orange, vinyl booths and looked around at her newest acquisition.  “Mi’ja,” she asked earnestly, “Do you think people really like my food?”

“Yes, mami,” I said. “People LOVE your food!”

Happy Mothers Day!

Mil gracias for reading,

Marisela Martinez-Cola

When Battle Creek meets Boston…

“You’re engaged. You’re engaged! We never think this would happen for you.
Never. Never!”
-Aunt Voula, My Big Fat Greek Wedding

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This is one of my favorite scenes of all time.  It beautifully sums up my life before meeting the love of my life that I married thirteen years ago today. Like Toula, my family did not think I would ever get married. Depending on who you asked, I was too educated, too chubby, too picky, too busy, and/or too stuck up.  It was 2001. I was 27-years-old, single, living by myself, no children, and working a very demanding job to which I was completely devoted.

My extended family would often ask me if I wanted children or to get married.  Many of my cousins had already had beautiful children of their own.  I, in frustration, would say, “No! I don’t want kids! Why do you care what is in my womb instead of my head? Why don’t you ask me about my law degree or encourage me to get a PhD instead of pregnancy?” I was not humble about my educational accomplishments at this stage in my life. I had worked hard to finish college and law school and I remember feeling frustrated because I thought my family did not care. “Besides,” I told them, “I can’t have kids until I meet the father. I can’t meet the father until I’ve met the husband. I can’t meet the husband, until I’ve met the boyfriend. I can’t meet the boyfriend until I meet the best friend! There is an order for me!” I was very traditional.

According to my family, then, my options were severely limited and I started to believe them. What made it even more challenging was that my younger sister was already married and definitely wanted children.  My fate, it seemed, was to be the “really cool Tia [Aunt] Mari.” I would tell my sister, “I’ll be the aunt that takes your kids on trips and stuff.”

Still, I was “in love” or so I thought.  His name was “Dr. Sean.” We met when he was in med school and I was in law school.  Match made in heaven right? Doctor and a lawyer? He was, I thought, the epitome of perfection.  I was, on the other hand, completely invisible. I swear I was the classic “friend” character in all those cheesy, 80s, unrequited love movies. Strange. Awkward. Not quite pretty but not completely heinous either.  I was Ducky.

Part One: Fredericksburg, VA

So how does a gal from Battle Creek meet a guy from Boston?  Answer: Summer Camp in Fredericksburg, VA. I had just finished taking the Bar Exam for the second time. I was determined to do something to help me forget the most evil exam on the planet. So…I decided to volunteer at a summer camp for kids in Fredericksburg, VA.  Yes, I decided to spend a week in the middle of nowhere, in the woods, being a camp counselor to eight year old girls! THAT experience was less stressful than the Bar Exam!

A few weeks before camp, I emailed the camp director asking if there was anyone who could pick me up from the airport.  Greg volunteered.  We exchanged a few emails and then I disappeared into the Bar Exam abyss.  Weeks passed. When I emerged, I gave him a call and said, “Hi Greg! This is Marisela. Are you still going to be able to pick me up from the airport tomorrow?” Little did I realize that Greg was in Seattle for business and was set to take the red eye back to Virginia that night. This poor guy is now going to have to fly home, sleep for a few hours, and then pick up this crazy Chicana from the airport which was furthest from his house.  I was a mess. He was the mop.

At the time I was going through a pathetic “Are you the One?” stage where I “fell in love” with every guy I met. Yes, Dr. Sean was my fantasy Boo but it was becoming pretty clear that he was not at all into me.  I remember sitting on the plane frustrated with myself.  I leaned my head against the window and thought, “Please…please don’t let me like this guy. He’s obviously really nice because he is picking me up but I just. want. to be. friends.”

I got off the plane and he was not there. This was before 9/11 when people were able to meet you at the gate.  I began walking down the hall and saw this frantic looking, older gentleman with glasses and no facial hair who was sporting “The Kennedy Swoop” for a hairstyle.  I remember thinking, “YES!!! There is no way I could be attracted to him!” I had a thing for facial hair and he was older.  Then I saw his hand and he had a ring on his finger.  Double yes!!! He’s off limits.

We exchanged hellos and pleasantries and walked out to his Saturn station wagon. “So…will your wife be volunteering at camp too?” I ask.  He let out a tremendous sigh.  “Well,” he said, “you are going to find out sooner or later.” In just over an hour, I learned about how, after 15 years of marriage, she cheated on him and broke his heart. He spilled his guts.  It was clear he was still in so much pain and my heart went out to him.  I asked him why he still wore his ring.  He said, “I won’t take it off until the divorce is final.  I don’t want anyone to think I am available when I’m not.” It was during that that car ride, we became friends.  I had never had such an open, honest, and vulnerable conversation with a man before.  And such integrity! This was a good guy.

Over the following week, we became even closer friends.  He was so kind and generous. Here I was going to volunteer at a summer camp and I brought NOTHING with me except clothes. No sleeping bag. No bug spray. No flashlight. Nothing.  He carted me all around Northern Virginia and helped me get the supplies I needed.  He had a cabin full of eight year old boys. I had a cabin full of eight year old girls.  We helped one another and encouraged each other that entire week.  My favorite moment was our shaving cream fight. He had this look of absolutely bliss on his face. I liked seeing him happy.

I returned to Michigan and we continued to keep in touch via email.

Part Two: New York City

I’ll never forget when things changed for us.  According to Greg, it was just after 9/11. We were talking about the phone calls people made from the planes. I told him I would call my younger sister.  He said, “I’m not that close to my family anymore so I don’t know who I’d call.” After a pensive pause I said, “You could call me.” [Insert awww].  I think we both began to look at one another differently that day.

Our friendship grew to the point that he wanted to take me out on an official date. His divorce was finalized in November and he scheduled a visit to Michigan over the Martin Luther King, Jr. Holiday in January.  That was supposed to be our first date but plans have a funny way of changing.

My parents were going through a divorce after 28 years of marriage. It was our first “broken” Thanksgiving and I was miserable bouncing from one place to another!! They say divorce hurts children. It hurts adult children too. I was determined not to play musical households again.  I decided I was going to volunteer…over Christmas…in New York City. I found a soup kitchen in the Bronx and was going to ask a friend from high school if I could crash with him.  That was my plan.  Fly to NYC, stay with JD, and volunteer in the Bronx. Greg, needless to say, was concerned about my plan…especially since I hadn’t heard from my friend and I was set to fly out the next day.  “That’s okay,” I said, “I will find a hotel online.” Priceline and Hotwire were just beginning to grow and the deals for Times Square were AWESOME!!

Greg, ever the planner, started asking me questions.
G:”How are you going to get to the hotel?”
M: “I don’t know…cab I guess.”
G: “Where exactly is this soup kitchen?”
M: “Um….not sure.” [papers rustling] “I have the address somewhere. I just know                         it is in the Bronx.”
G: “Are they open Christmas Day?”
M: “I don’t know…people have to eat right?”
G: “Um….Mari…I don’t know if this is a good idea.”
M:  “Oh I’ll be fine!”

Needless to say, he was a bit concerned so he suggested an alternate plan.  “Why don’t I come up there and we can have our first date? I have to come back to work the next day but then I’ll go back and pick you up on my way to Boston. Would you like to spend Christmas with my family in Boston?”

Part Three: Boston Bound

I landed at the airport. Butterflies in my stomach.  What if I don’t like him? What if we don’t click beyond friendship? What if he doesn’t like me? I walked out and saw him. He gave me the biggest bear hug and just knew everything was going to be okay.  “You look nice,” I said as we started walking. He began putting himself down.  I stopped. “Let’s try this again…you look nice Greg…and you say….” He laughed, “Thank you! Sorry…I’m not used to compliments.”

He took me to the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. It was amazing.  Then we went to Rockefeller Plaza Christmas Tree to exchange presents.  I opened my presents. The first was a very matronly looking sweater.  The second was pretty earrings. It was the third one that floored me.  The third gift was a Peanuts sculpture of Lucy at her “The Doctor is In” advice booth. “No way!! No way!” I screamed. “You have to open yours!” His gift: a musical snow globe of Lucy and Charlie Brown at the advice booth!

We gave each other essentially the same gift!

He returned to Virginia that night, came back to pick me up the next day, and drove me to Boston. We spent the next few hours, laughing, talking, sharing stories…falling in love. I met his hilarious, very Bostonian family.  I was stuffed with an authentic Italian dinner compliments of his grandmother.  I had the time of my life.

When I returned to Michigan, my boss said I was floating six inches off the ground. That was it. I was in love. We were meant to be. I found my best friend.  Ducky won!

Mil gracias for reading,

Marisela Martinez-Cola